Disaster Mental Health

Here is some insight into what it's like to do disaster mental health response...

You step out of your life and step into the lives of complete strangers who you will never see again, you're only in their life for brief moments. Their names fade but the faces never do. You always remember the faces and never forget the pain in their eyes. You will hear gut-wrenching screams as people cry out for their deceased loved ones and you can only sit in it with them because you can't make that pain go away for them. All you can do is briefly hold their pain and then give them direction as to what their next step is. 

You see the pain and exhaustion in the responders eyes too. You watch them push past their limits searching for your loved ones knowing they won't stop, even if it causes their own collapse. You see the moments when they realize this one couldn't be saved. You see them pull the full weight of it on themselves and the only thing you can do in those moments is to give them full permission you just be human, as they soak your clothes in tears, so they can keep going, keep searching. 

You see people at their absolute worst but don't judge them for it. You will witness devastating pain and resounding triumphs. You'll simultaneously see the worst and best of humanity. 

You learn to sleep anywhere. Sometimes it's in a 5 star hotel, sometimes a shady motel, or in a shelter, or on a cot with a sleeping bag, sometimes you catch a nap under a table because you're exhausted. Some shifts can last longer than 12hrs and sometimes only a few. Sometimes you have time to eat and sometimes you don't. Same goes with getting a shower.

You jump on airplanes or in cars sometimes in the middle of the night to go places you've never been and you never really know what you're walking into until you get there. Nothing is ever as it seems. Adaptability and a sense of humor become your greatest strengths. You learn to stay calm in seriously fucked up situations because it's your job to handle that shit with grace, empathy, and compassion without judgment and at the same time take no shit from anyone and have to stand your ground when necessary. 

You understand at a core level and accept that the only control you have in this world is how you choose to respond to things and the choices you make. That in itself is a terrifying concept for people to accept because it means they have no control over anything but themselves.

You avoid the news because they don't ever really get it right. So you scroll through your social media, but your timeline is full of your friends' pain and horror as you watch them try to process what is your normal. You want to make it better for them too, but can't. You know their fear is real and valid because of the things you witness.

I know this probably sounds like a lot. It is, but I wouldn't want to ever do anything else. I love what I do. Responders need people willing to show up for them, the same way they show up for others. Their sacrifices is what keeps me going. They deserve to see the light at the end of the tunnel.